How many times have you and your partner or spouse been in a conversation, it gets heated, and all of a sudden, one or the other of you is throwing a tantrum?
It seems to arise as though out of nowhere and before you know it, the whole conversation can turn into a knock out, drag down brawl.
I imagine most of you don’t feel good about treating your partner that way. This article will help you learn how to avoid getting into the ring or battlefield to begin with.
Usually when a person throws a tantrum, it is some part of them that is throwing the tantrum because it feels its needs are not being met. Sometimes the need is simply the need to be heard.
Yet what happens is, most of us on the receiving end of the tantrum don’t understand what’s happening and we find ourselves getting caught up in the tantrum as well.
Before you know it, both you and your partner or spouse are triggered, and you are both in a tantrum, fully armored up, engaged, and ready for battle.
When you find yourself faced with this type of situation, the best thing you can do is PAUSE.
Take a moment, take a step back, and simply take a pause to do a couple of deep breaths.
Once you have taken your deep breaths know that the person in front of you is simply feeling a trigger and that they are suited up for battle.
Once you recognize that the other person is triggered and is inviting you onto the battlefield with them, you will then have the power of choosing how you wish to respond.
You full well can choose to engage in that battle, or, you can let your partner have their tantrum while you take care of you.
Then, just like any person who has been triggered, your partner will calm down and the both of you can address the situation again, this time with a more balanced approach.
If the situation seems too big, or feels like it’s the same one that gets triggered over and over again, seeking individual therapy or couples counseling can help.
Here at the Center for Soulful Relationships in San Jose we offer relationship therapy for individuals and couples to help you learn what your triggers are and how you can manage them in a way that helps to restore love, peace, understanding, connection, and communication to your relationship.
We invite you to schedule your Get Acquainted Call today.