Last week on the blog I spoke about psychics and my thoughts on why people go psychics as opposed to therapists when they want to know certain things about themselves (you can click here to read the post, or, for the spoiler, I can just tell you: it’s because they want instant answers).
One of the last thoughts I left readers with was this: Rather than relying on an outside source, wouldn’t it be nice to cultivate a deeply nourishing relationship with yourself?
After I wrote that, I knew I would be back to elaborate on it.
The idea of “outsourcing our power” is one a dear friend and colleague of mine, Robyn Mourning of Revolution Trauma Recovery, has shared with me and it’s one that I really love. I love it because it’s in line with exactly what I teach: turning towards ourselves.
It’s hard to look within ourselves for answers. It takes a lot of courage, dedication, and commitment to turn towards ourselves. That’s why I think people go to psychics: they don’t have to do the work. Essentially what they are doing is outsourcing their power.
What does outsourcing our power look like?
It looks like turning to sources outside of myself for my own safety and well-being.
In other words, rather than turning towards myself for my own safety and well-being, I rely on sources outside of myself: my friends, my family, my colleagues, my bosses, my neighborhood, my home, my car, my status, etc.
When you do this, you are saying, “I don’t trust myself and I don’t honor myself, and so therefore, I am going to abandon myself, and rely on others to take care of me and my needs instead.” And when we do that, we are really saying, “I don’t believe I am good enough to get to know who I really am.”
I imagine it doesn’t sound so good when I say it that way, right?
So what happens when we outsource our power?
We lose touch with the knowledge and the wisdom that resides within us.
Our bodies are powerful truth tellers and hold a ton of wisdom, as do we, when we allow ourselves to access the wisdom that resides within us.
The problem is, because most of us have not taken the time to cultivate deep and nourishing relationships with ourselves, we feel we can’t trust ourselves, or that we aren’t safe people to rely on for our own well-being. So, we turn to those outside others –other people, places, and things—for our safety and well-being.
Little do we realize when we do that, we are in effect creating a powerful way of perpetuating our stories of how not good enough we believe we are, and how we cannot be trusted with our own selves.
I have a feeling this idea might sound a little abstract, so I am going to use this very real example:
You have just gone on an interview for a new job and parts of you know it’s not going to be a good fit. You noticed too many red flags. However, because you haven’t cultivated a relationship with yourself, one in which you allow yourself to trust your red flags, you call a girlfriend and reason it out with her. She talks it over with you and suggests you might be hypersensitive and to give the job a shot anyway. You decide she’s probably right and that you likely were being overly sensitive.
So, you abandon your own inner knowing (the red flags), outsource your power (relying on your friend’s perspective rather than your own), and take on the job, despite a part of you feeling uneasy about it (violation of your own inner sense of safety and well-being).
And guess what? Shortly into the job you realize, “Yup, this was a terrible move for me,” and you start to feel miserable about your situation and possibly even about yourself. You might even start to think, “Ugh, I should have known better…”
This example is merely one of the many ways we abandon ourselves, outsource our power, and transgress our own inner wisdom, further perpetuating beliefs of our not enoughness and lack of reliability within ourselves.
In the example above, you have essentially told yourself, “I don’t trust myself and my own inner knowing, so I will rely on someone else’s opinion, and when it doesn’t work out, I have a new tool to beat myself up with about the fact that I didn’t trust myself.” Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
And the thing is, we can apply this to anything: dating, interactions with family members, which route to take home after work, which restaurant to go to, what to cook for dinner, what to buy, and the list can go on and on.
Instead, if you allowed yourself to form a trusting and loving relationship with yourself, you would have trusted your red flags, spoken to the friend, taken her suggestion into account, checked in with yourself again, and then made the decision that felt best for you based on your Truth in that moment.
When you allow yourself to rely on your own inner knowing and your own Truth in any given moment, you are living in right relationship with yourself and your power. And that is where the magic happens.