Lately on the blog I’ve been talking a lot about wholeness. Today it dawned upon me, some people might be wondering, what does wholeness even mean?
So, I took to the dictionary and here’s what I found:
1. the state of forming a complete and harmonious whole; unity.
"the work lacked a sense of wholeness and meaning"
2.· the state of being unbroken or undamaged.
"the wholeness of the buildings is exceedingly well preserved"
· good physical or mental health.
"our shared journey toward wholeness and healing"
I really love the first definition, “the state of forming a complete and harmonious whole; unity,” and then I read the second definition and loved that one too.
It is when we return to our state of being as a complete and harmonious whole, that we return to the state of being unbroken, undamaged, and in good physical and mental health. The two definitions go hand in hand.
As you may have been gathering from previous posts, especially the one about getting to know yourself, you were born perfect, whole and complete. It is due to your experiences early on, especially in early childhood, that you began to lose touch with your perfection, with your wholeness, with your completion.
When you are young and experience things that don’t make sense or receive messages about your enoughness (or rather your lack thereof), you begin to shut parts of yourself off little by little, until eventually, you become fragmented and experience holes within your mind, body, and heart.
These holes become the magnet of attracting things in it to fill the hole. For example, if your mind feels empty, you might try to fill it so full of book knowledge that you have tons of great information, lots of great external successes, and no real understanding of how human relationships really work. Or, if your body feels empty, you might then go out and try to connect with others by having lots of sexual partners, literally, trying to fill your hole. Or, if your heart feels empty, you might try to fill that hole in your heart through romantic relationships, which likely leave you feeling even more heart broken than before once each relationship ends.
What happens when we are fragmented, have holes in our mind, body, and heart, and then try to fill those holes with the things we think are going to fill it rather than what is actually going to fill it? We experience dis-ease in our physical and mental health and well-being. I write it as dis-ease, rather than disease, because the state of disease essentially means, we are in dis-ease: we are in a state of being ill-at-ease, or not in ease within ourselves. These then manifest as diseases in our external reality, either physically, mentally, emotionally, or all three.
Research shows people who have experienced traumatic life circumstances experience a greater number of physical health conditions. These traumas don’t need to be BIG T traumas, like sexual abuse or molestation. They can even be traumas such as parental divorce or the mental illness of a parent or sibling. People who have experienced trauma not only have greater physical health conditions, they also experience greater mental health challenges: depression, anxiety, poor tolerance of change, the need to control, the idea that they need to be perfect. The list goes on and on.
See now how those two definitions go hand in hand?
When you lose touch with your wholeness, you fall out of harmony with yourself, and you experience a feeling of brokenness, of incompletion, and physical and mental dis-eases as a result.
The process of becoming whole again is all about finding all of your lost (or exiled, shunned, excluded) parts and pieces, and getting to know them. Once you are able to hear their stories, hear what they have to say, they can then be healed and re-integrated into yourself, helping you return back to your wholeness, filling up your holes from the inside out.