In our last post we spoke a little bit about your inner child and how this inner child comes from any experiences that were painful and led to feelings of discomfort when we were young. We started to talk about experiences that may have led to the inner child taking up residence in your psyche.
Today I will speak a little bit more about this wounding and what happens when we don’t connect with our inner child.
We left off at the inner child is basically an imprint of ourselves at the age we were when a wound occurred. That part who can’t make sense of the situation lives in our psyche (this is why sometimes I use inner child and parts work interchangeably), and often lives in some sort of fear.
We will work with the example of the 5 year old who experienced a move to San Jose from our previous post.
Let’s say this 5 year old’s parents try to explain, but the kid just still doesn’t get it (of course they won’t get it, they really can’t!). The child tries to adapt, but still feels some part of them is missing. The child might start to feel some symptoms of anxiety or depression related to the move. Sometimes the symptoms are apparent, but many times, the symptoms fly under the radar. This 5 year old continues to go through life, adapting as best they can, but the 5 year old part of them still resides within them, constantly on the lookout for another sign of danger or disaster related to “what if we move again?”
And then it happens. Another sudden move at the age of 12. This kiddo had finally made friends, felt she had some stability, and them BAM! Mommy and daddy don’t want to live in San Jose anymore, they want to move to quiet and quaint Campbell. The 5 year old child who lives in this 12 year old body is FREAKING OUT! She does not want to move! She does not want to go through this again! She will do anything in her power to ensure this goes poorly! And she tries, but to no avail, only to get herself into trouble with her mom and dad for acting this way.
The 5 year old inner child part who was living inside the 12 year old body totally took over the 12 year old’s brain and body and hijacked her! This part tried so desperately to keep her safe and not have to experience the discomfort again that she led to the 12 year old acting out in ways that were very unlike her. Almost as though an inner alarm bell was rang and she had to scramble to keep herself safe.
As adults, these inner children and parts are no different. If you read our previous post, we invited you to take a moment to reflect on what age some of your wounds may have occurred. Now I am going to invite you to think of experiences in your adult life that were somewhat out of character, perhaps at times when you may have felt some alarm bells going off and you felt uncomfortable in your own skin.
Connect with that part. Close your eyes and invite that part to show itself to you. How old is that part? What does she look like? Does she have something she would like to share with you? What message would she like to share…? At this point, you are not trying to fix or change anything, you are simply becoming curious as you try to connect with her…