Heart Break for the Self-Respecting Woman

How many of you have heard the song “Habits (Stay High)” on the radio lately? You know, the one that starts by talking about how the singer eats her dinner in the bathtub then goes off to watch people get freaky in sex clubs? She then goes home and binges on Twinkies and throws up in the same bathtub she ate her dinner in…only later to continue to get high because she misses her last guy so much…Anyone? 

You may not recall all the lyrics, because the song’s mellow beat is quite catchy. It’s one of the new pop song sensations which as of today, is #7 in Billboard’s Top 100. It’s a song by Swedish singer/songwriter, Tove Lo, and although it’s been out in Sweden for some time now, it was released in the US earlier this year. Her album containing this song was released in the US last week. 

Every time this song comes on the radio I have to switch the channel. The song literally starts off with: 

“I eat my dinner in my bathtub, Then I go to sex clubs, watching freaky people gettin’ in on…”

 The next verse goes on to say: 

“I get home, I got the muchies, Binge on all my Twinkies, Throw up in the tub, Then I go to sleep, And I drank up all my money, Dazed and kinda lonely…”

I cannot even begin to emphasize how wrong this is. But, it gets even better. The chorus goes: “You’re gone and I gotta stay High, all the time, to keep you off my mind, Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh, High all the time, to keep you off my mind. Spend my days locked in a haze, trying to forget you babe, I fall back down, Gotta stay high all my life to forget I’m missing you, Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh…”

In the next verse the artist talks goes on to talk about how she spends her day: “Pick up daddies at the playground, How I spend my daytime, Loosen up the frown, Make them feel alive, I’ll make it fast and greasy, I’m numb and way too easy…” And then we are back to the chorus of staying high all the time to forget her heartbreak. 

Now that you’ve seen these lyrics can you believe that this woman is in the opening act for the Katy Perry concert tour? Yes, this artist and her story about using sex, drugs and alcohol are the opening act for an artist our kids love to listen to. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about freedom of speech, but I just wanted to point it out…

The part that bothers me most about this song is that it is a song about a woman with very low self-esteem who has made her fame off of her poor self-esteem and has for weeks been in Billboard’s Top 10. She is an international sensation. And her message has nothing positive in it. 

Let’s now take some time to deconstruct her message. She is essentially saying that her last break up was so bad that she needs to numb herself with food, sex, drugs, and alcohol to keep going. Any woman who has been in a romantic relationship can likely attest to how painful breakups can sometimes be. You may have eaten your sadness away with a pint of ice cream or drank a bottle or two of wine with your girlfriends talking about what an ass hole your ex is. Heck, you may have even had rebound sex with a guy you met at a bar (likely to only regret it later). But I highly doubt many of you were so non-functional that you spent all of your money on alcohol and marijuana, ate your dinner in the bathtub, went to sex clubs, threw up your late night Twinkies in the bathtub, and called yourself easy while having sex with any man who would have you. When I break it down like that, it doesn’t sound so great anymore, does it? 

Yes, break ups can be difficult, but there are less destructive ways to get through them. 

Here are a few:

  • Give yourself a period of mourning. It is okay to completely fall apart, hang out in your nightgown, not leave your house, and eat everything in sight. However, when you do this, set yourself a time limit of when it will be time to pull yourself up out of it and get back to your life. Typically a day or two of being totally MIA is okay. That doesn’t mean the pain ends after a day or two, it just means you have given yourself some time to fall apart, and then are ready to get back to your regular life as you continue your grief process. 
  • Get your girlfriends together for a girl’s night. Spend it in your pajamas, watching cheesy movies, and eating yummy snacks. Laugh, cry, do whatever you want to do. 
  • Get physical. Take a hike or start that kickboxing class that you’ve been wanting to take. Exercise and getting the body moving are essential to healing. It is said that Emotions are just Energy in Motion, so get it moving!
  • Honor the relationship. There must have been something that came from the relationship, whether it was something you learned about yourself (maybe you can’t date someone who is friends with their ex) or something you learned that you want (or don’t want) in your next partner. Think about those things and write them down as a way to reflect on and honor the relationship. 
  • Have a ceremony to celebrate closure. Having rituals are important to human beings and have been since the creation of time. Therefore, have some sort of ceremony to celebrate closure. It can be tearing up all your pictures, pawning any jewelry your ex may have given you, or writing an “unsent” letter thanking that person for all they did for you. Ceremonies celebrating closure may even look different for different relationships depending on what that person mean to you. However, do not make your closing ceremony one that includes drugs, binging on Twinkies, or having random sex with random strangers. You’ve got more respect for yourself than that. 

Breakups are never easy, but as a self-respecting woman, you need to take care of yourself and your needs. Every relationship comes into our lives for a reason. Sometimes that reason is to allow you to learn more about your behavior, sometimes that reason is to help you understand better what you do and do not want in your life partner, and sometimes that reason is to allow you to feel loved and cherished while you learn to love yourself. The important thing to remember is that resorting to drugs, alcohol in excess, food addiction, or using your body in self-destructive ways are not beneficial. They are harmful and can only make matters worse. Respect yourself, ladies, and understand that the person who is gone has left you with a lesson to learn, and that there will be many more lessons on the journey of life. 

If you are tired of feeling heart broken, contact us today for your free initial consultation.