Often times when I work with clients they start to notice that just when they are starting to do well in life and move through healing, life starts to get messy. They start to feel tested and uncomfortable and like what they have been working so hard to accomplish isn’t working.
My clients will come in to me and share that they are finally starting to put their attention and their efforts on their healing and then feel awful when life happens.
Why is that?
One would think that by coming to therapy and working through your stuff and starting to prioritize yourself would make your life go smoother, right?
WRONG! At least initially.
I often let my clients know that healing is messy. When we start to dive deep and look at patterns so that we can have awareness of how things have been and the part we have played in them, things can get ugly. They can get even messier when we start noticing our behaviors and making changes that are healthy for us. However, if you do the work and you stick with it, you will come out the other side and then be able to look back on the beauty that was the journey. After all, in order for the caterpillar to turn into a butterfly, it has to digest itself and swim in a soup of its own organs in order to reemerge as that beautiful butterfly.
Similarly, you must go through a transformation of digesting yourself from the inside out and swimming in a nutrient rich soup containing your core self so that you too can be reborn as the beautiful human being you were created to be.
That said, there are many reasons things get messier before they get better. One of the primary reasons is because you are finally waking up to the way things have been.
Most of the time people go through life in the victim mode: “Why me?” “How come this always happens?” “What am I doing wrong?” This victim mode is highly disempowering. It is a way of living life that makes it feel as though things are happening TO you rather than you being a co-creator of your reality. Basically, you are asleep, operating fully on subconscious patterns and programming.
When you make the decision to work with me, I let you know from the outset that we are doing to do deep transformative work. I let you know up front that we are going to dig and that we are going to get to the root cause of things to be able to clear up these patterns so that you can get the deep healing you need to live a healthier, more peaceful, more fulfilled life. When you work with me, we are bringing those unconscious patterns to the surface so that you can wake up and see things clearly. Just like the butterfly in the picture, you now have another set of eyes to see.
The moment we wake up, we start to see we have choices in life. As long as we are going through life operating from unconscious thoughts and beliefs, we will continue to be victims and life will continue to happen TO us. When we wake up and start to live from a more conscious place, we will start to see where we have been playing a part in our relationship dynamics. We will become observers in our lives and only from that point of being an observer will we be able to make more conscious choices. As an observer, you get the power of CHOICE.
Usually what happens with my clients is that they start to have awareness about where in their lives they have been participating in unhealthy dynamics and patterns and as they shift into healthier patterns, those unhealthy patterns no longer feel good and comfortable. This is a good thing. I actually LOVE it when my clients share with me that things are starting to feel uncomfortable because that means they are awakening to the way they used to be and the part they used to play. They are becoming observers of their lives and now have conscious choices. They see that they no longer want to be involved in the unhealthy dynamics that have kept them stuck in the victim loop. They want out.
One example that I like to use is that of the baby mobile that we hang over the crib. In order for the mobile to operate, every teddy bear on the mobile needs to do its part and usually the cycle it goes around in is an unhealthy one. When one teddy bear decides it no longer wants to participate in the unhealthy spiral, and it starts to shift and change and eventually leave the unhealthy cycle, it throws the whole mobile off balance. When that happens, the other teddy bears who want to stay in their unhealthy spiral start to frantically grab the other teddy bear and try to bring it back into the spiral so that the system as a whole can go back to its unhealthy balance. The challenge here is for that other teddy bear to remain on the awakened path and not get sucked in to the old relationship dynamics again.
So, although sometimes therapy can seem like it makes things more challenging than they used to be, know that the end result will be well worth it. If you stick with it and work through it, beautiful transformations will happen.
The choice is yours, do you choose to live your life asleep or awake?