As I’ve been sharing about self-care over the past few posts, my hope is you’ve been getting lots of ideas and opportunities to step up and take care of yourself.
Today I want to focus on an important aspect of self-care that I feel doesn’t get enough air time.
It’s the idea of saying yes to me.
One of the things we experience as women is a difficultly saying yes to ourselves. I think it’s something we learn culturally. Women are the nurturers, the caretakers, the soft places to land. Women are usually the ones others come to when they are experiencing a need.
And the thing we can forget is, how do I show up for me? How do I take care of me?
Over this past year my lesson has been allowing myself to show up even more lovingly for me. I have been given lots of opportunities to practice what is it like to honor myself and what my needs are. I am happy to report, I have taken those opportunities and used them well.
There was a time over the summer when I had planned to head up north to visit with family. Anyone who lives in the Bay Area likely knows how horrendous getting out of the Bay on a Friday afternoon can be. It’s like a mass exodus happens and it takes waaaaaay longer than it needs to, to get anywhere.
Well, this was one of those days.
I had some work I needed to finish up, so I left a little later than I had wanted to. I hadn’t slept well. I felt tired. I made it about as far as Fremont when I stopped for a smoothie, texted my sister, and let her know, the traffic was terrible, I felt exhausted, and I didn’t think I was going to make it that day, and to ask her what her thoughts were about me coming the following day.
I had gone back and forth debating with myself before I sent that text message, not wanting to disappoint my sister, with whom I was looking forward to spending some time. And, I decided to act from a space of love and kindness for myself, which meant taking care of me.
And guess what?
Turns out, my sister was equally as tired, equally hadn’t slept well, and didn’t feel like she had it in her to entertain me that night! She was more than happy to have me try again the following day when the traffic would be less horrendous.
When the next day arrived, I felt better rested, less stressed out about traffic, and I showed up with a full cup that had something to give when I got to my family’s house. It was beautiful and completely filled with love.
Recently I had another opportunity to act out of love and kindness towards myself by showing up for myself. One of my dear, dear mentors/coaches had spoken with me about a new offering she had. I really wanted to do it, and I knew the investment in time, energy, and money wasn’t something I was ready for, especially as I have been working on becoming more mindful about these very valuable resources.
I went back and forth and back and forth: To do it, or not to do it? I tried muscle testing on myself, I tried imagining what the pendulum would say. I prayed, I meditated. And there was just no clarity coming through. It was blocked by my frantic desire to figure out the right answer.
Thank God I have other mentors and friends who I got a chance to turn to and to be reminded of what is most loving and kind to me, to be reminded I get to take care of myself right now, and if I were to do that, what would I do or say?
What I ended up saying was “No” to her offer. I realized yet again, saying “No” to her was a way of me saying “Yes” to me.
Saying “Yes” to ourselves can definitely equate to saying “No” to someone else at times. And the thing is, every time I have chosen to say a loving “Yes” to me as a way to take care of myself, the other party feels the love behind my “Yes” to me, and honors me for it. Even in this example of saying “Not right now” to this incredible new opportunity to work with my coach, I was received with so much love right back from her. (I’m so grateful for my high vibe tribe!)
Saying "Yes" to yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
My invitation to you is for you to say “YES” to you. I invite you to say yes to you even if that means saying “no” to someone else. It might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, and if you stick with it, as long as it is based in love, you will notice a difference. As you do so, notice the difference it makes in your life.
Have you already been doing this? What have you found? Let me know in the comments below.